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I started a blog in 2004 and kept it alive until 2013. It was a memoir of sorts meant to give my estranged daughter the truth about why I wasn't in her life for those many years.
Much of it was dark and painful as I roamed those stone tombs of post divorce, non-custodial parenthood. Divorced with extreme prejudice by an angry, bitter woman backed up with the legal might of the superior court and a criminal judge that was moonlighting in a family court.
Survival is a fair word to use to describe the last sixteen years.
I did finally get custody of my beautiful baby daughter. But we missed the tea parties and the play dates. We missed the school plays, hiking in the woods, motorcycle riding, learning to handle a firearm and self reliance.
All the things I had dreamed of for my most beautiful warrior princess.
So when redemption found me two years ago, I didn't get frilly skirts, green fingernail polish and the privilege of helping with homework.
Life is bi-polar, PTSD, anger, screaming, door slamming, and cursing of the most vicious and cruel kind.
From whence has this vile teen beast emerged?
Those that have been there have advised to hold on, maintain thick skin, pray on my knees for her, and endeavor to not talk, just listen. IF words are needed, be succinct and don't speak for more than eight seconds. Then, let it drop.
She had her hair cut last week and she spent yet more hours in the bathroom getting ready for yet another boy. When she came out, she wore little make up and bounced her way to the front door before stopping.
She looked at me for a rare calm moment.
I saw the beautiful other-worldly glow from her face that I hadn't seen in 12 years. With an even more rare smile on her face, she asked: What?
"You are really pretty" was all I could muster while she turned and grabbed the door handle.
"Thank you dad" was the end of the moment as the door opened and she wooshed out.
Glimpses of heaven have to be treasured for the gifts they are